It is so heartbreaking knowing that you are not ready to part with your loved one’s things, but are being forced to do so, because now you are afraid that they will become lost or damaged because of a landlady with no compassion. This is what happened today. The landlady said that she is running out of patience with us, and that Juju and I need to stop using Emrys’ passing as an excuse and hurry up and pay her the amount she says we owe, and not the amount that is owed as per what her son indicated back in August 2023. She also said that she did not authorize me sending her multiple payments of $150-$200 throughout the month of June 2024, when the grief was consuming me, and I couldn’t even function enough to even eat a bite of food without others coaxing me. I have lost 15 pounds since May 27, 2024; I did not weigh much to begin with.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS LADY (not the word i really want to use for her) BEGAN TO SEND HORRIBLE TEXT MESSAGES THE DAY AFTER EMRYS PASSED AWAY AFTER I LET HER KNOW THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE DIFFICULTY PAYING RENT IN THE MONTH OF JUNE, BUT THAT I WOULD PAY AS MUCH AS I COULD EVERY TIME I RECEIVED ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY.
So today, of all days, Juju and I went to that place. The place that once served us as a temporary home, and now holds what we have left. The place where we lost our Tiny Angel. We sat in the car for a while befor going in. We knew what we had to do. With a heavy heart, we took down Emrys’ crib, and the swing. Juju placed the clothing that he wore during his last days with us, and I sealed the box; that tiny clothing has not been washed yet, but we want it that way. We decided that it is time for the car seat to go, and we found other things that we can part with. We are giving those things to to Mikaela tomorrow. We are blessing her little one.
fiery packing Emrys’ things, Juju sat or laid, in that room she shared with the MOST DIVINE GIFT we could have ever received, and I sat in the living room where OUR GIFT and I shared so many memories. I cried, and I am sure that Juju cried too. And things feel so empty.
It was raining pretty hard when we left, but I held it together. I needed to make sure that I got us to our safe place in one piece. And when we arrived, we sat in the car. Memories of taking a nap with Emrys in the back seat of my car when it was raining enveloped me. His warm breath on my cheek. His tiny hand on my heart. This precious angel placing all his trust in me. He knew I would keep him safe until my last breath. He knew that no matter the force of the storm, I would shelter him with all the love I hold within me.
***TODAY, EMRYS IS 2 MONTHS OLD***
He is an angel, and he lives on in your heart.