Background:

It is a common misconception that behavior analysts have the coping skills to be able to handle everything and anything that comes our way. I can assure you that we do not. In fact, it is possible for something to throw us so completely off that we don’t even know if we will ever reach a state of normalcy ever again. I speak from a very personal experience. An experience so painful that in my mind, I escaped to a very dark and quiet place where nothing could touch me. 

On the night of May 6, 2024, I saw the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my 48 years of life. I witnessed a miracle entering the world. This miracle is my grandson, Emrys. I remember his eyes looking deeply into mine, and I knew that my life would never be the same. I received him in my arms, and held him close to my heart as I slowly walked with him towards my daughter, who was almost lifeless from the complications of  this miraculous birth. She opened her eyes and saw her son. She found the strength to hold on. 

My daughter and my grandson survived, yet I felt such intense dread. I needed to protect them. I needed to shelter them. But in the end, the darkness came. Baby Emrys passed away in my arms in the early morning hours of May 27, 2024.