Time passed rapidly in 2023. After confirming Juju’s pregnancy and seeing Emrys for the first time in October, time just flew. I passed the big exam and became a behavior analyst on the 6th of November, Quentin, my son, turned 28 on the 20th of November, and my Juju turned 22 on the 22nd of November. Three very important events, because with us, everything happens in threes.
And then came December. Oh how I long to feel that excitement again. I remember it so well. It all began with a dream. One that took my breathe away.
The Dream:
I was sitting on the grass, in a wooded area, and I felt this presence. I could not only feel the presence, I could also smell HIM. And his smell awakened a deep longing in me. I longed for something that I never knew I wanted. Then he touched me so delicately, in such a feminine way, showing me that he understood that desire, because the feminine was also within him. He pulled me up against his chest, and stars appeared all around us. I could feel him. I could smell him. But I couldn’t see him. And the need for him followed me into the morning.
On December 4, 2023, I woke up with a need like I have never known. I couldn’t focus, and I needed to get it together. I became anxious, and usually, when I feel that way, I stay home. But something pushed me to get out. I had to go. And the closer I got, the more intense the feeling. I made myself get out of the car and walk towards that door. And when that door opened, I froze. I saw the stars. And I could smell My Heaven. He was so beautiful. I wanted to touch him to make sure he was real. But I knew that if I touched him, I would not recover, and that terrified me. I also knew that I would need him lime I have never needed anyone else in my life. And I couldn’t accept this knowledge, because with it came the deepest pain I have ever known. The pain that I feel now.
December… I met My Heaven, and My Tiny angel was growing strong in Juju’s belly. I started shopping for everything that would be needed to make sure Emrys was safe. I didn’t want to buy him too much clothes because babies grow so fast, but there were just some things I couldn’t help. I kept finding the cutest outfits. And of course, we found the shoes! The shoes that were to big for his tiny feet, but I had to put them on him and take a picture when he was in the perfect pose. The shoes that now sit on a shelf where we can see them and imagine what could have been.
