Five months. Five months since I almost lost both of them. And the pain is still raw. It’s like a monster trying to claw its way out of my chest, with its claws digging deep into my heart.
The plan for Emrys’ arrival into this world had been written months before due to Juju being a high risk pregnancy, and the high probability of something going wrong. Included in the plan was allowing Juju to feel just a little of what a natural birth would feel like before moving forward with medical intervention.
Not only was Juju high risk, but her placenta had attached towards the bottom of her uterus, making a natural birth extremely dangerous, but there was a plan, and her doctor wanted to see it through.
We were to arrive at the hospital by 5:00 PM on May 5, 2024. Once checked in, they were supposed to insert Cytotec into the vaginal canal to soften the cervix, and assist with dilation; Juju could not dilate without assistance. By around midnight, Juju was to be given Pitocin at a slow rate; just enough for her to feel some of the things that happen before a natural birth occurs. Then when her doctor arrived the next day, May 6, 2024, we were to get ready to go to the operating room to get Emrys out safely, and have testing done to ensure that he was in the best possible health.
This plan was NOT followed.
We checked in on May 5, 2024. Once changed, they did a vaginal check, and walked out. Less than 10 minutes later, they came in saying that she was ready to start the Pitocin. I asked about the Cytotec, and was told that labor is progressing and she was dilating just fine.
They steadily increased the Pitocin, and kept losing Emrys’ pulse. They gave Juju the max dosage. She started not looking well. Her excitement started turning to darkness. She said she felt herself going. Her doctor arrived. Juju was bleeding out. Her bloodpressure was steadily dropping, and so was her pulse. Her doctor started yelling and asking who authorized that to be done. They said she had been 6 centimeters dilated. She was actually 3 centimeters dilated, and was trying to push Emrys out. You need to be 10 centimeters dilated in order to push out a baby.
We rushed to the operating room. There was blood everywhere. They were losing her. And I put both hands on her, and felt myself calling upon every soul that has love for her as I pushed my own essence into her body. I felt myself guiding her through the darkness, and toward the most. Beautifull light I have ever seen. I guided her to Emrys. And I saw his eyes. He looked deep into my heart. And I knew.
He was handed to me as soon as they cleaned him up. I got a picture of Emrys, Juju, and I, and was instructed to walk out the door and to the right, take the first left, and wait at the third bed on the left. I walked out with him. That was not supposed to happen. None of it was supposed to happen. I almost lost both of them that day, but they made it. I thought there would never be any suffering in my life again, because in my arms, and against my heart, I held the GREATEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL, AND PUREST LOVE I HAVE EVER KNOWN. I held OUR DIVINE GIFT.
Emrys would be five months old today.
